A Terrible Beauty

There is something beautiful in you, an innocence that blinds you
to all that is twisted inside me.
Let me shield you from what you do not see.

There is something beautiful in us, and I wonder at the reverence in your eyes,
your hand in mine as sunlight streams through summer leaves.
If you knew me, this would end.

There is something beautiful in lies, a prayer to perpetuate or protect,
my desperate untruths whispered or yelled,
out of kindness but more often fear.

There is something beautiful in her, a radiance deeper than skin.
She hides nothing when she looks your way.
I watch you watching her too. I am wrong to hold you back.

There is something beautiful in the truth, blunt as a battering ram,
the very weight of it knocking us flat.
It crushes the breath from my aching chest.

There is something beautiful in goodbye.
To honor you in your heartbreak, I won’t turn away as tears spill down your cheeks.
I see you my love, but I have never let you see me.

There is something beautiful in me,
the freedom I have given you wrapped in my soiled heart.
May you one day recognize the sacrifice in this terrible thing I have done.